I've not had much to smile about lately, (especially today when we were denied a mortgage!!) but it seems my little man has lots to smile about, when ever he has a pen or paint and paper he draws me some lovely pictures of smiley faces.
He told me this was 'mom dad baba' I love it!
These really cheer me up, so very proud of him. I think for his age his spacing and proportions of the faces are great and he gets all the parts in the right places too and he names them.
I definitely think he gets his arty side from his daddy and not me. I love crafts and making things but Gareth is an amazing artist and draws brilliant pictures when he gets hold of a pencil.
Is there something your little one draws all the time?
I've wondered if I should publish this post, or if I should just write it to get the feeling out and keep it as draft. But I decided that I should publish to see if anyone can relate to this.
My lovely Gareth has suffered from depression on and off for years. Its horrible, it takes my lovely man and turns him into an empty shell, from anything from 1day to weeks on end. It can take him at any time, for however long it chooses. Its vile.
He's been to counselling for it in the past, its problems from his childhood and personal life that caused it in the 1st place. Let's just say he's been through stuff that no one of 23yrs old should of gone through.
He is the most amazing dad and partner, and his love for Harry melts my heart. When this takes him, he can be fine with Harry, but with me he shuts down, he's quiet, he doesn't want to talk or be around anyone at all. Its heart breaking. You would think I would no by now that this is just how he needs to be, but I can't help but question 'is it me' that makes him go like this. I no in reality its not.
When i asked yesterday 'are you sad?' the response was 'I'm always sad, I'm never happy' its not the best response your could hear. Hearing that he's 'never' happy breaks your heart, so me and Harry never make him happy? More than likely you ask him this on one of his good days and he will say me and Harry are his world and he loves us more than anything. Its hard to hear. It splits you in two, the bad day Gareth is not the man I fell in love with, however I no this is part of him, and I have to be sympathetic and accept this.
When he's having a bad day, he describes it (when pushed to talk about it) as 'empty, emotionless darkness'. Its hard as a partner of someone who suffers from this vile illness, no knowing what to do, feeling helpless to the situation, not being able to 'fix' them. Knowing that the person you love is suffering and you can't change that is difficult.
I have to hold everything together while he's like this, he trys his best to keep everything 'normal' around the house for Harrys sake, he really does, but sometimes it too much to fight, it just engulfs him.
I needed to write this as hes been having bad days the last few days. He doesn't want to talk to me, so I sort of need to get the pent up emotions I'm feeling out.
I no this is rather 'feel sorry for me' post, its not meant to be, I'm sorry. Feel free to just ignore this post, but if anyone can relate to these feeling, it would be great to no, so I no its not just me who goes through times like this.
Surprisingly for a bank holiday weekend, its been very sunny hear in the west midlands. (well not today, today is grey and very cold!) So Sunday we decided to go to the country show at our park and it was packed, busier than we have ever seen it before, so needless to say, we didn't spend long there, harry did however get to see some spitfire planes and see some replies and animals. Then we went to the park play area and he and his uncle Jack (hes 3) had a great time running around and having fun.
I thought i would share with you what we did the weekend before as i forgot to blog about it, Harry went to the birthday party of our friends little boy Bailey, he was 3. He has fireman Sam at his party and an entertainer that was supposed to be like Mr Tumble. They had face painting and glitter tattoos, as i no harry wouldn't sit for the face painting, he opted for the glitter tattoo and sat so lovely for the lady who did it, he was so chuffed, he kept saying 'like daddy's' so sweet! We all had a great time. I was very proud of Harry for mixing with the other children and playing nicely without getting shy.
Only problem with the glitter tattoo is she warned us they do not come off easily, and you need to soak them in neet baby oil. Harry is VERY attached to it, and as much as I've tried to sneakily remove it in the bath, he goes mad and shouts 'NOOO MY BOB' as its a cement truck like bob the builders. Hes still got the remnants of it a week later.
Today were not doing very much at all, were just going to have a craft day and do some painting, gluing/glittering, pasta pictures and play with play dough. Gareth doesn't get to do these things much with Harry as its normally me who does them with him in the day time so will be nice for him to spend his bank holiday doing these things.
*i wrote this yesterday, needless to say why its called flashback Friday, but then didn't realise it hadn't published, so its today's post now :) x
Hiya all,
I thought I'd share some memory's with you, last week I shared Harry's walking for the first time. This week I wanted to share his christening.
We thought that instead of a big 1st birthday party, we would have his christening close to his 1st birthday so we could celebrate him :) so we arranged to see the vicar and set a date 20th February 2011.
We decided that we wanted 2 god mothers and 2 godfathers unlike the traditional of 2 godfathers and 1 godmother for a boy and visa versa for a girl. God mothers were easy! my best friend Lucy and my sister in law Ellen. The godfathers was my brother Michael and Gareth decided on his friend Dan for Harry's 2nd god father. (We hardly ever see him now! Makes me mad, so won't go into it.)
We planned ahead and brought lots of things online. The local pub agreed to let us have the back room and decorate as much as we wanted as long as we did our own food. Which was great and saved us money.
Harry's outfit was brought online and but when it arrived the trousers were not up to standard, and were very cheap looking and felt it too so we got him trousers from next. His waistcoat, shirt and cravat were amazing tho, and were pale blue with silver threads and I think it looked fab! If I do say so myself.
The colour theme was blue, all the cakes and food were made between me, Ellen and Gareth's nan. My sister made the big cake, i wanted something plain and simple.
I wore purple, because being that time of year, still winter, there was not a lot of blue items in the shops, and I found it so hard to find a dress that I thought was suitable, there all seemed too prom like in the shops. So I ended up with skirt and blazer, Lucy and my mom all wore purple too. The boys wore matching pale blue ties like Harry's suit.
The day came, we had had some dramas as id blown the balloons up the night before with helium and they all seemed to have deflated. Then Gareth went to blow up the foil baby balloon and it popped!! Anyway we made our way to the pub to lay out all the food early in the morning, then come home to get little man ready for his big day!
us heading out to get food laid out
He didn't really understand what was going on, he hates getting dressed at the best of times but into a suit, this was a new experience. (haven't got a full length picture of him in his suit, was just too hectic on the day)
We only invited close family and friends and the small church was packed by them, i didn't get any photos of everyone in the church really which I'm a bit gutted about. The vicar said his piece and we sang some hymns which was lovely. We had the whole church just for our little man, which is lucky I'm lead to believe, as most christening are shared services. The vicar was amazing, and was so patient, even when Harry was not happy about that holy water!
My uncle however, videoed some of the service which i cant wait to show harry when hes old enough.
We had a special guest at the christening in the form of Pete the pup. Evie had a project for school to take the toy dog home for the weekend and look after him and take him out with her, then she had to write about her time with him in his journal and add pictures and tell the class about there adventures when she went back to school.
We went back to the pub to enjoy some food, but then about 1hr in, the landlord came and said we would have to move and pack up as they had a birthday party coming in, i was livid, why on earth did he say we could have it for as long as we wanted to do what ever we wanted with, if he knew he had a party booked. (personally i think he accepted the party it a few days before, and then thought we wouldn't stay long so would get away with it!) needless to say i don't go into that pub anymore! I was fuming.
my niece bridie and my sister in law/harrys godmother Ellen
Fairy godmother Lucy and honorary godfather Matt!
my uncle & brother/ harrys godfather
harrys godfather Dan, his son and now ex girlfriend
gareths family
Apart from that, our day was lovely and low key and family orientated, my little man was showered with love and attention and lots of gifts too i must add.
