That's what i feel like screaming today and to be honest the last few weeks have felt the same too. Those bloody single magpies are haunting me.
I no i said i was on a break, and its been a short one i no, a week and im back. I need a platform to stand on and just scream, and you my blogging friends are the perfect listeners.
Today Harry went to the hospital for another one of his eye appointments. They normally go as follows:-
We go in (me Gareth and Harry)
Harry gets annoyed.
We finally get seen
Harry gets wound up at being poked and prodded
Gareth gets het up
They manage to do a few tests
They say its ok
Today however was different. I went alone to the hospital, just me and Harry. Gareth was at work and i told him not to book the day off as he gets just as agitated as Harry, if not worse when they are doing the tests. We went in, i had put drops in at home 40mins earlier to dilate his pupils. We waiting for no longer than 10mins and was called through.
We finally got to see the head Dr for the eye department, other times we have had to see her colleague as shes been busy on emergency's. She did the tests on Harry, he let her for once and dint get annoyed.
She examined his tear duct and decided that it was blocked, and had been since he was born (they have only just found out which is annoying!!) She said that was the cause of the constant repeat bouts of conjunctivitis.
Then the treatment was explained to me, 'he will be put to sleep with a general anistetic'
That's it, i was in tears. The thought of my baby boy having to go through that was awful.
She went on to explain what they would do, and to be honest i was hardly listening, i just kept kissing Harry on the head as he sat on my lap unaware of what all she was saying was going to mean for him.
We have to now wait for a appointment through the post. I feel sick, i feel angry, i feel like such a bad mother, ever time he looks at me and smiles, i just think about what hes going to have to go through in a few weeks, months or when ever we get an appointment. How unaware he is, and i no, i fell like saying 'NO YOU CANT DO IT' but deep down, the rational side of me knows it is for his benefit.
|this morning - after his drops|
I find myself hating on other parents with healthy children and how some of take them for granted, and how they don't have to put them through such horrible things.
I noin reality this is stupid, and it will be for his benefit and it will be over before we all no it. (as 101 people have told me today, again, i no they mean well bu cant help but think 'easy for you to say')
So another ranty post from me. Im sorry.
I hope all you lovelies and your little ones are ok :)
If anyone has ever had esperience with this type of oporation, id LOVE to know what its like and how your little one took to it being done, or being put to sleep.
I think il be back blogging, not every day but when i can as i have missed it.
So blog you soon
Love Lucy x